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As I mentioned earlier in the week, I'm currently some thousand miles away from the snowy goodness that is the green and peasant land of blighty.
I'm in sunny Florida and I thought I would take some time out from relaxing by the pool and drinking 'beer' to tell you about it.
So if your going to America, in my humble view, you have to fly Virgin Atlantic. The simple reason is the club-house serves beer 24 hours a day and do the best bacon sandwich I've had in quite a while (everything being free helps!). Big props to Jack for making my drinking shoes look better than when they where new.
Airplanes are boring and full of people so don't fly airfreight, go first class as the nice people with the beer know your name and the seats are more comfy (yes I was upgraded, ner ner ner!).
My top tip for customs is keep your pie hole shut, what seems funny after 10 hours of drinking will cause the sound of rubber gloves snapping onto cold hands (I kept me gob shut).
From the people I have seen, and I haven't met anyone I know from 'the internet' yet, there are 4 types of americans:
1) fat and stupid
2) attractive and stupid
3) Mexicans
4) normal people (not stupid)
Other things I will mention in more detail later are:
1) the beer's too cold, flavour (or as they say over here flavor) is important
2) I'm 31 for gods sake!! I've been drinking for 17 years (in pubs) and since I was legally allowed to drink I've never been asked for ID, stop bloody asking me for ID, I'm probably pissed already!
3) JC is right about American cars, they suck! I did see a flashing sign warning about "Caution: non-straight bit of road, might cause car to hit a tree"
4) things are cheap, 4 beers for £4, not drank that cheaply since my student days (or other people's student days, and yes young Mick, I know its cheaper in your flyboy's club!)
OK, I'm off to eat half a cow and not send rude texts to people...
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